What Is Consent? Understanding Consent in Relationships in Canada

Consent is one of those words we hear often, yet it’s also one of the most misunderstood. Many people grow up learning what consent isn’t—“no means no”—without fully learning what consent is: a shared understanding that everyone involved is willing, comfortable, and respected.

Consent is not only about preventing harm in sexual situations. It is foundational to healthy, respectful relationships of all kinds—romantic, familial, professional, and social. At its core, consent is about autonomy, dignity, and communication.

Think about everyday interactions: borrowing something without asking, offering advice when it isn’t wanted, or hugging someone without checking first. These moments may seem small, but they reflect how consent shows up in daily life.

What Consent Really Means: FRIES

In Canada, consent means a voluntary agreement to engage in a specific activity. In our education and prevention work, we use the FRIES framework to describe what healthy consent looks like in practice:

Freely Given. Consent must be offered without pressure, manipulation, fear, or obligation. If someone feels they cannot say no—or worries about consequences if they do—consent is not present.

Reversible. Anyone can change their mind at any time, even if they previously agreed or the activity has already begun.

Informed. Consent requires honesty. If important information is withheld or misrepresented, a person cannot fully consent.

Enthusiastic. Consent should feel wanted, mutual, and engaged—not hesitant, passive, or endured. Enthusiasm is communicated through words, tone, body language, and responsiveness.

Specific. Agreeing to one activity does not mean agreeing to others. Consent applies to each action, not intimacy as a whole.

Consent is not a one-time moment—it is an ongoing, shared understanding that can change.

Consent in Real Life: Beyond Scripts and Checklists

Consent education often faces a tension between clarity and realism. Clear guidance is necessary, but overly rigid rules can feel disconnected from people’s lived experiences.

For example, the idea that “a yes is needed each time, every time, and throughout” can be difficult for people to relate to—especially in ongoing relationships. Most couples do not verbally ask before every kiss, and developing trust, familiarity, and nonverbal communication is both normal and healthy.

This is why enthusiastic consent is so important.

Rather than relying solely on explicit verbal permission, enthusiastic consent asks us to stay attuned to the other person. This includes noticing:

• Tone and responsiveness

• Body language and energy

• Mutual initiation

Hesitation, withdrawal, or changes from what was previously comfortable

Implied consent may exist in some contexts, but it only remains valid as long as comfort and enthusiasm are present. When someone becomes quiet, tense, disengaged, or uncertain, the responsibility is to pause and check in.

Consent is less about following a script perfectly and more about attention, care, and responsiveness.

What Canadian Law Says About Consent?

Canadian law is clear: only an active, voluntary agreement counts as consent.

A person cannot legally give consent if they are:

• Asleep or unconscious

• Heavily intoxicated or impaired

• Being pressured, manipulated, or threatened

• Under the age of consent

• In a relationship involving a significant power imbalance (such as teacher/student or caregiver/dependent)

Silence, lack of resistance, or previous sexual activity do not equal consent under the law.

Common Consent Myths (and the Truth)

Myth 1: “They didn’t say no, so it must have been okay.” Truth: Consent is not the absence of a no—it is the presence of willingness.

Myth 2: “We’ve done this before, so consent is automatic.” Truth: Consent must reflect current comfort. Past consent does not guarantee present consent.

Myth 3: “Flirting or clothing means they’re inviting it.” Truth: Attraction, friendliness, or appearance never equal consent.

Myth 4: “They didn’t fight back.” Truth: Freezing is a common response to fear or overwhelm. Lack of resistance is not consent.

Consent in Relationships

Consent applies to all relationships—not just sexual ones.

Healthy relationships are built on:

• Mutual respect

• Honest communication

• Emotional and physical safety

Everyone should feel able to say:

• “Not right now”

• “I’m not comfortable with that”

• “I’ve changed my mind”

Boundaries deserve to be respected without guilt, pressure, or punishment.

Everyday consent matters too:

• Asking before borrowing belongings

• Checking before offering advice, feedback, or physical affection

• Respecting boundaries at work, with friends, and within families

Consent is ultimately about respect.

How Power and Pressure Affect Consent

Consent must be freely given, which means it cannot exist when someone feels they do not have a real choice.

Power imbalances may include:

• Age differences

• Authority or professional relationships

• Financial dependence

• Immigration status

• Emotional, physical, or social vulnerability

When someone feels afraid to say no or pressured to comply, consent is compromised.

What Healthy Consent Sounds—and Feels—Like

Healthy consent may sound like:

• “Is this okay?”

• “Do you want to keep going?”

• “Let me know if anything changes.”

• “We can stop anytime.”

It also feels like:

• Mutual interest

• Ease and comfort

• Responsiveness and care

• Freedom to pause or stop without consequences

Consent should feel safe, not confusing or pressured.

If Something Didn’t Feel Right

If an experience left you feeling confused, uncomfortable, or unsafe, your feelings are valid. You do not need to label what happened in order to seek support.

At Victoria Sexual Assault Centre (VSAC), we provide free, confidential support to survivors of sexualized violence of all genders. You deserve to be heard, believed, and supported.